Staying home has it’s perks. I get to check my results “fresh”, when they’re immediately released. And when the shock comes, you’ll have infinitely more time to get over it’s effects.

I am majorly pissed that I got 2 bleedy C+s for my Psych modules. Wait wait, that’s not the best part. The best part is that I got an A- for the NEW MEDIA module and B+ for Bahasa. Both of which are not MY MAJOR! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (but YAY cause I got the A I said I would get). It’s frustrating when you do well for other modules but not something you think you’d do well in y’know or at least need to do well in. (Sidenote: I wasnt too pleased that I only managed to clinch a B+ for BI2 but given that I screwed up the very first test, I’m pretty thankful I got a B+.)

So anyway, now Im really reconsidering whether I should stay on and do my honours. My CAP didnt drop and I guess I should be thankful for that since people are always contending with gravity in more areas of their life than one. But at the same time, I know that my CAP could have gone up but yet didnt all thanks to the bleedy Cs I got. Freakin hell, up to this point in time, I’ve only gotten ONE C in my previous semesters. GAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Doing honours would mean having to contend with people who are genuinely good at what they do. Which is to say, they are those smarty pants who get As and Bs for their Psych modules. Having to compete with them to attain those coveted spots would mean I’d probably be relegated into the C-band. And I cannot afford that especially in Honours year. The only solution would be to sell my soul to my books and mug everyday, therefore turning me into a geek that spends all time in the library with nose buried in books. I need some buffer between the different classes of Honours. But then again, you know how they say “Study smart not hard”. Maybe Im just not doing it the RIGHT way. But WHAT is the RIGHT way? After 3 years of tertiary education, I still havent found out just what is required. Would I then be considered a failure in the eyes of the general public?

After listening to Damon’s story of how his friend missed 2nd Lower Honours by just 0.03, Im panicking a bit and getting worried. I dont want a case of “So near yet so far”.

I’m just really sore that I got a C+ and not B- for 2 modules that I spent pouring over the textbooks. It’s not to say I didnt BOTHER studying or attending the lecturers. Sigh. I dont even want to start rationalising the results and accounting for the discrepancy between my efforts and the final outcome.

Im thoroughly exhausted from being angry. So so tired.
I just wanna lie down for a bit and hide from the world.

It’s so hard for me to even want to take a break or a holiday.