— Valerie Lim

11 Responses to “How are you?”

Sometimes you get really annoying questions that you want to avoid. Someone pops out of no where and goes IN A SUPER BRIGHT AND CHEERY VOICE,

*insert sunshine and fluffy clouds, green grass and bouncing bunnies in the meadow*

OMG. I super hate that especially when Im busy or in a mood to be left alone.
I dont like it when my flow is interrupted, particularly when it is interrupted by someone you DONT really want to be asking that question.

I mean how obvious can it be when all you often get is one-worded responses.


Of course, there are times when people are really busy and all they can afford is one worded response.

However, what I usually do when an unwelcome person asks even such an innocuous question, is to IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. But for those of who cant do without replying and having a conversation with the irritant for fear of coming across as a snob, here are some answers that MAY help you put your point across. And if any one of you reading this should have encountered answers like that, PLEASE WAKE UP YOUR IDEA and DONT BE DELUSIONAL.

Question: Heyyy how are you?/How are you doing?

You can start with something mild.

1. “Not so good now that Ive seen you.”

Or maybe you prefer something stronger.


Then there’s the “scare” tactics.

(The person may or may not reply. If they are an insistent bugger, expect a reply as follows.)
“Nothing la. Just concerned only ma.”
“Why? Why do you need to be concerned? Are you my father? My mother? I dunno how to take care of myself is it? You scared I will forget to breathe or drown myself while in the shower, is it? You look down on me??!!!”

4. “Fucked up.” (This answer will naturally evoke a response from the other party)
“Huh? Why?”
Again, the person will reply, “Huh? Me? What has it got to do with me?”
“You mean you dont know? ASK YOURSELF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!”

Or acting stupid.

5. “I dont know.”
“What you mean? You dont know how you are doing?”
“I dont know.”
“I dont know.”

6. “Huh? Who are you?”
“I’m XXX.”
“Huh? Who’s XXX? I dont know anyone named XXX. Are you sure you have the right number?”

Going all emo-manic-depressive.

7. “Oh woe is me.”
“What’s wrong?”
“The heavens weep as from my eyes tears seep.”
“Ummm.. Okay?”
“Darkness veils the star spangled sky much like the darkness yearning within.”
“Ahhhhh. I dont understand.”
“As the cold steel draws crimson red, my eyes bid you adieu and soon, all is silent and dead.”

8. “Hello how are you? Hope you are fine.”
“I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing.”

Or, you could irritate the person just like how he/she is irritating you.

9. “Hey how you doing?”
“How you doing?”
“Good. You?”
“Good. You?”
“Are you copying what Im saying?”
“Are you copying what Im saying?”
“Hey stop it.”
“Hey stop it.”
“Really. I mean it. Stop it.”
“Really. I mean it. Stop it.”

If you are a song aficionado….

10. “Hey. How are you??”
“Im sitting here in a boring room.”
“Bored? I entertain you lah. Hehe.”
“It’s just another rainy Sunday afternoon.”
“Raining? Your house there raining? And uhhh.. It’s Wednesday.”
“I’m wasting my time, I got nothing to do”
“Nothing to do? Go out loh!”
“I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me ’bout the blue blue sky”
“Huhhh? What blue sky!?”

(You can let this go on. And see whether the fella finally understand that those were the lyrics from LEMON TREE! LOLLL!)

11. “Hey XX how are you?”
“Ohhh hey YY how are you? Im good. Having holidays now. Occasionally busy with work, but still have time to chill here and there. We must meet up soon!”
“Ummm.. Sorry. Im not YY. I’m CC.”
“Oh CC? Sorry thought you were YY.
Sorry I dont have time to chat with you.”

Number 12 is your back up.


Disclaimer: All responses were original and created by sick twisted minds. Thank you those have contributed.


  1. ali says: June 15, 20081:21 am

    LOL! Too funnyyy… XD

  2. yve says: June 15, 20081:22 am

    This is pretty useful!
    I usually just say 1 word if I’m not in the mood: “Busy”.
    I could try No.5 or No.10 if I’m in the mood to entertain.. =D

  3. Aurora says: June 15, 20081:28 am

    HAHAHAHA. good gawd those responses are spelling an end to a friendship (if there was one to begin with).

    eh eh people say don’t burn bridges!! Lol.. though sometimes you can’t help it…. :P and wish you could reach into the computer and punch the lights out of the a*****e on the other end.

    and YES i do have people who msg me the “how are you” question.. and people i DON’T wanna be hearing from.. usually get ignored… either that.. i just respond “fine”.. or “busy”… or “in a bad mood. go away/leave me alone”.

    :P or in some cases of “heyy hellow how are you?!?!”……….. i’m like “fine…. sorry, who are you..?” bcos some people.. on my msn for eons.. rarely talk.. i honestly do not know them anymore. hahahaha.

    oh well.. funky post! ;)

  4. Jeannie says: June 15, 20081:36 am

    One more: if phone call comes in asking “How r u?” You pinch your nose and go”Thiz iz a recording.
    The number you have dialled iz temporarily out of
    zervice. Try looking in the mirror. Teeeeeeeeeeee.”
    Click…cut off line.

  5. Kalumder says: June 15, 20085:56 am

    “Hi, how are you” = “hi I am terribly bored with my pathetic life, maybe you can entertain me….”

    I would respond:
    get lost
    get to the point
    raka-raka-raka (my version of number 5)
    make a manly evil “orcish” grunt

    because none of my friends would dare ask such a trivial question.

  6. jeflin says: June 15, 20082:14 pm

    Saw you as the featured blogger on Nuffnang. Congrats.

    I normally wouldn’t use these kind of responses on my friends but when it is a scam phone call (you know those lucky draws and lotteries) or agents, these suggestions will come in handy.


  7. Simon Seow says: June 15, 20083:27 pm

    Hey Chipster Girl, how are you? What? You’re not Chipster Girl but Miss Universe Singapore finalist?

  8. gelitifa says: June 18, 20085:59 pm

    gia gia…

  9. seraphangel says: June 23, 200812:08 am

    haha interesting, so which phrase have you found the most effective?

  10. poo says: March 19, 200910:20 am

    Can you spell b-i-t-c-h?

  11. Russ says: December 8, 20093:02 am

    To How are you? I usually grin and respond with a rapidly spoken, ‘Fair-to-middlin…so-so…’bout half ‘n half… not too bad.. could be better.. could be worse… ’bout average.. yourself?? (and this cool morning, I add: It was 17 degrees this morning, so I decided to chill out; and now I’m a cool cat!)

    Try it with a grin, dudes, it gets a positive response every time!

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  16. Mciver says: February 24, 20101:18 am

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  17. sezer says: August 18, 20118:30 pm

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