So. I’ve finally gotten about to sitting down in front of the computer, firing up Firefox, logging into into my lah.cc/wp-admin page and typing something into the vast empty space that’s soon to be defaced by verbal vomit.

I have an entire slew of backlogged posts waiting to be completed, and another list of new posts waiting to materialise. But, after the flurry of having to rush several posts in between shuttling to and fro from pageant rehearsals and work, the current downtime in the number of posts reflects my schedule’s heavy toll on me.

Who would have thought sitting 2 hours alone in a coffee joint with nothing but chick lit, an ugly chicken pie and a mocha-nated caffeine drink could do wonders for rejuvenating oneself? I swear after that 2 hours alone, I was completely at peace with the world. Not until I got to work and got irritated by mo’fos who think the world of themselves. Dude, if you have no part to play in organising the event, you dont know fuck about how or why certain rules were set in place. Honestly, Singaporeans have it too good sometimes. And they dont LISTEN, tell them not to do something, and they’ll ARGUE in return. Wah lao. If you fall into the water of the Singapore River, dont say I didnt warn you not to sit beyond the red and white tape.

But anyway, a lot of people have been asking me what I got out of the pageant and whether it was a worthwhile experience. It sure as hell, was an eye-opener. It was a markedly different one from the previous pageant I took part in (see MSI2007). Thinking back, reflecting with one of the Top 3 winners and a friend alike, the recent MSU2008 was a wake-up call to the realities of life. Unfortunately, the stinking realities of life.

Truth be told, it intrigues me to no end, how people can be so deceptive. How much time they actually put into strategizing their every move to eventually corner their opponents into checkmate. And it makes me wonder, if these people truly have friends at all? They probably do, but only friends who dont compete for a slice of their pie. How do these people wake up each morning, look themselves in the mirror and say to themselves, they are worthwhile, they have made a difference and they inherently are good. I guess not everyone shares the same values and ideals in this world then. Each person was put on this planet for a different purpose, but not everyone’s purpose is to effect change. Change can happen, ever heard of the Butterfly Effect? But, more importantly, who are its beneficiaries? Does the change benefit people who DONT deserve it. Does your change benefit yourself. Or does it, in some ripple effect of the actions you take, change the lives of someone who really needs it. Are there luxuries which you lap up that accompany your-so called change. If it does, in that case, it is a self-serving change.

The destination isnt what people always look for. And people try to make their journey as fulfilling in as many ways as possible; they indulge in materialistic whims, in their 5 minutes of fame. And deception is but one of the many methods by which they achieve selfish gains.

With money you can do almost anything, you can get the best plastic surgeons, hair stylists, best makeup and eventually trump everyone else who have no free access to these sneaky little enhancers. It takes time and effort, but above all, it takes a very large wallet. In this situation the question to ask then, is there no such thing as a natural beauty behind painted faces and preened screens?

*sings It’s all about the money. It’s all about the dum dum da dee dum dum*

On a completely yet related thread, is there even such a thing as real friendship anymore? Who do you define as a friend? I think a friend is someone whom you share your worries and woes, your innermost thoughts, and discuss crucial life-changing decisions including what colour should you wear on your first date. More importantly, friends dont judge friends. Although they might fuck things up in their lives, you should always have the liberty to 1) knock them on the head and say, “OEI. You are fucking things up. STOP IT.” 2) tell them what they are doing wrong and 3) hang out like you always do and still love them for whatever they do. Friends have an all access pass to being blunt with you but you know that their intentions are always for the better.

But what do you do, when your “friend” refuses to tell you about his/her life? What do you do when your “friend” never looks you in the eye when giving you an answer? Yet at the same time, pretending to be all chummy and best friends with you. I wish I could say “FUCK YOU” to my “friend” and move on, cut him/her out of my life, but it really isnt all that simple when we’ve supposedly had “years of friendship” under our belts. Balls to these “years of friendship” which are but numbers in our your books. We shared no impressionable memories, we shared no laughter I can remember of and most of all, we share no secrets.

A friend is not someone who withholds “information” or secrets, especially not someone whom you supposedly consider more than just an acquaintance. A friend is not someone who is shrouded in secrecy or pretends not to know the answers to the questions you pose, whilst suspiciously looking away and pointedly averting your gaze.

A friend is open, truthful and honest. And it’s amazing how you can be FRIENDS with some people regardless the time frame. Im disappointed to say, though we say we’ve come a long way, we have all chosen different paths. And although some of our paths run similarly and are always in close proximity, ours yours and mine diverge and span different ends of the spectrum. So dont come and pretend to be my best friend when you know NUTS about my life. Dont pretend to be all concerned about my feelings when all you really want is a glimpse into a life you will never have.

Because friendship is supposed to be deep, not cursory and fleeting. It’s supposed to be about giving, and not TAKING. It’s not even receiving la can. You TAKE all YOU want. And that’s utterly selfish.

And for doing absolutely nothing for the friendship and all that your deception is worth,

YOU ARE NOT my friend.